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In an action that I can only describe as tragic, the United State National Park Service announced today that it has contracted to add the face of President Obama to the Mount Rushmore National Memorial near Rapid City, South Dakota. Evidently secret negotiations between the Park Service and the private donors sponsoring the addition have been ongoing since the later part of 2009. The American tax payer will not foot any of the bill as a combination of the Nobel Foundation (sister organization to the Nobel Prize) and the Soros Foundation have agreed to cover the entire cost of the addition. When asked about the timing of the announcement the Nobel Foundation spokesman Thor Karolinska told the press “we awarded President Obama a Nobel Prize for winning his first election, we thought something a bit more permanent would be more appropriate for his second victory.”
The project will be completed in phases with the planning stage already finished. The Park Service conceded that the five-year schedule is going to be a serious challenge given that the original work took fourteen years, but the contract provides that workers salaries will be increased for every additional year that the work continues providing the necessary incentives to have the work completely in a timely fashion. ”We did discuss the potential incentive for the workers to extend the schedule, but the unions convinced us that they would keep the workers properly motivated,” said Hugar.
Technical difficulties originally put execution of the project in jeopardy. ”One of the key problems that we faced was finding suitable rock for the new carving,” stated NPS spokesman Tre Hugar. ”Most of the rock around the existing sculpture is quite fragile and obviously we can’t do anything to threaten the integrity of the original memorial. Now that we have completed the feasibility study, we are moving directly to design and have tentatively settled on this digitally created projection of the look of the final work” (See picture above) ”Obviously a huge part of this is the generous donations of the donors that allow all of this to be done without any federal funds.”
George Soros reacts to the news that his offer to build the Obama portion of the National Memorial had been accepted.
While most of the media appropriately focused on the timing and execution of the work and the splendor of the proposed addition, Fox reporter Reich Whing dampened the festivities at the announcement ceremony when he asked Mr. Hugar “what has President Obama done to deserve to be a part of this National Memorial.” There was an extremely awkward pause from the dais before Mr. Hugar responded “Because . . . isn’t it obvious? There has really never been a discussion of rationale because the committee universally recognized the accomplishments of President Obama.” When pressed to identify those accomplishments, Mr. Hugar called on another reporter and said “let’s move on to more relevant questions.”
Significant behind the scenes controversy was generated in discussions with native americans who considered further work on the memorial just to be yet another attack on sacred lands. ”Originally we thought that this project was just another desecration of our sacred lands. The Black Hills are sacred to the Lakota Sioux, the original occupants of the area when white settlers arrived,” commented tribal leader Fred “Black Jack” Napayshni. ”We have reached an agreement with the National Park Service that will allow us to expand our gaming casino so we have withdrawn any objection.” Napayshni’s concerns have historical support starting with the Treaty of 1868, in which the U.S. government promised the Sioux territory that included the Black Hills in perpetuity. Perpetuity lasted only until gold was found in the mountains and prospectors migrated there in the 1870s. The federal government then forced the Sioux to relinquish the Black Hills portion of their reservation.
One of the toughest parts of the negotiations was the decision on the size and make up of the workers that will actually carry out the work. ”We had a real battle between the National Pipefitters Union and the Screen Actors Guild,” said an exhausted but elated Hugar. ”Both have serious underemployment problems right now and both played significant roles in the Obama campaign.” Ultimately the decision was made to hire several hundred workers from both unions but then also to hire a cadre of miners and artists that were actually qualified to do the work.
“This is simply a national disgrace,” said Speaker of the House John Boehner, “we could never raise the money to have Ronald Reagan memorialized and now Obama is going to take the last place on the mountain where anyone can be added.”
HotAir
Your last 5 opinion pieces were far better satire than this one.
And I can picture Boehner weeping.
So glad to see you re-posted this piece. I was really concerned that the First Amendment hating Obama had it scrubbed from the interwebs.
At least your “original thoughts” are closer to:
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/11/18/1162644/-UPDATED-National-Park-Service-Moves-Ahead-With-Plans-to-Put-Obama-on-Mt-Rushmore
than:
http://www.sodahead.com/united-states/obamas-head-to-be-added-to-mt-rushmore-see-photo-and-read-story-within/question-2583639/
I applaud your decision to allow the above comment to be posted, GW. I understand the need to moderate spam comments with links.
Thank you.
Snoopy, I do virtually no censorship of comments here as long as they are not completely unrelated to the story or if they are simply a spam advertisement. I may not like what you say, but I will certainly not censor. Have fun.
My comments are not made under the pretense of “fun”. I consider it a duty to destroy the false narratives of the right and teleport them back to the realm of the known universe.
And I wasn’t trying to be accusatory. I was being gracious.
Here’s proof!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/us_army_rolling_along/6925926813/sizes/l/in/photostream/
All one need do is Google “they couldn’t find a 200 ton piece of [expletive deleted]“, which returns 371,000 results, and you can see precisely what the entire Republican Party truly feels about their duly elected President. Since Democrats only vote because they want “free stuff” then Republicans only vote against him because they think Obama an ["expletive deleted"]. See how this works? Democrats – singular reason for voting…Republicans singular reason for voting.
At least this new addition to Mt. Rushmore will create jobs!!
Why not make it out of chicken wire and stucco? It’s phony rock, but so is the subject!
I knew this was supposed to be utter BS, however your “satire” is being believed by some of the people that follow this nonsense. FWIW, I do not see a Satire tag on this article.
It honestly is a shame, but you are leading the fringe Right Wing TP loons to believe some of this, so much for the Grand Old Party’s intelligence quotient
Sorry, I do now see it. I was looking under feature, not “tagged” at the bottom of the article.
My statement stands however, you have some right wingers believing this nonsense, which truthfully is a shame.
It’s more than a shame, it’s scary.
But even scarier than that, is that the party “intellectuals” (like Paul Ryan) believe the exact same sh*t as the lunatic fringe.
screw this stupid site.
I typed the “captcha” incorrectly? so it wiped out my comments also.
George, please take a high dive into a 20′ pile of manure. That other ‘G’, you know the W one, he has plenty to spare.
Take some responsibility for your own computer snafus. Write your comments on a new notepad or even a word processor file and then copy and paste them into the site when you are ready to post. That way you won’t lose any more of your work.
Don’t blame GW. He didn’t build that!!
The funny thing is it wouldn’t surprise me at all to see Obama immortalized on Mt. Rushmore. Why not?
I love how the Obamaphobes have jumped on this wagon like they were givin away free beer. This was “supposed” to be “officially” released 11/20 but so nothing has surfaced no the NPS website or in their newsletters. you would think that something THIS important would bemoan their front page, or at least the front of their Mt Rushmore site.
(snickering)
Due to the condition of the existing rock the odds of being able to undertake this task would be somewhere between none and zero. If it were to happen the head would fall over from all the bowing it would be doing. But it would be nice for the other heads as the birds would have a natural choice to defecate on.
nice one Boog. Need some balance to the humor and snark here.
And the more fallacious and disrepectful the more “balanced”, huh GW?
Looks like “potty humor” is what sells in your circles. Not surprising.
Hey Geoff. We missed you in this year’s city council election. Are you considering a run in 2014 as Trish is termed out? You might cover the swearing in on Dec 3rd. With over $100,000 spent in this years race nothing changed. Wendy does earn the recognition of coming in second. No, not in this contest. I refer to her spending the most money while losing where only Roger Faubel spent more in 2000 losing to challenger Gail Reavis. Good luck with the blog. Larry G
Thanks for the kind words Larry. I think my wife was accepted my blogging but is not ready to be a part of any public life. Too bad local politics isn’t more honorable. I have tried to cover some Mission Viejo politics but my audience is more national and those posts tend to have my smallest readership.
Geoffrey Willis:
Earlier in this thread you posted that “I do virtually no censorship of comments here as long as they are not completely unrelated to the story”.
So what do Larry Gilbert’s comments have to do with this thread?
Just askin’
Larry’s comment was unrelated and we probably should have handled that via email but I thought it relatively harmless and not distracting.
I think it’s great when the Mutual Admiration Society hold their meetings online.
This country is going too do something so f*#@ing stupid as to put that tossers face on Mt. Rushmore that will cost millions of tax payers money?. All that wanker’s face is good for is putting on the Food Stamp. What the f@#% has happened to my country? .. It’s a slap in the face to what it stands for.
“What the [expletive deleted] has happened to my country?”
It’s populated by too many with your mentality.
This actually made me laugh out loud. Thanks for the humor and the Soros picture was great also. Look forward to your next piece.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on domy kanadyjskie. Regards