Biologists Busily Herding Sharks Out Of Subways, Off Of Streets of New York, New Jersey


A well prepared Northern East Coast survived brutal hurricane Sandy and are now assessing the damages.  Perhaps hit the hardest, New York City is struggling to deal with an unforeseen problem – how to herd sharks out of its subways and off of its streets.  ”We hadn’t really prepared for this one contingency,” said an obviously exhausted Mayor Bloomberg.  ”We’ve had to work really quickly to get the right people on site to help us with this.  Our paramount concern is for the safety of these animals and we ask that everyone give them a wide berth.  We have divers on scene right now to develop a retrieval program for these magnificent beasts.”



With the widespread flooding sharks had been seen brazenly swimming down the streets of the City some even using the muddy waters this morning to make their way around town.



According to Chief marine biologist Charles Whorld “we believe that these animals were either washed in with the tidal surge or simply were chasing the population of seals that came into the City seeking shelter.  We are hopeful that the seals will leave of their own accord, but people should realize that these seemingly cute and cuddly animal are also very dangerous animals,” continue C. Whorld.




Some of these sharks are really quite large and the recovery process may take a while.  ”We can’t emphasize enough how important it is that people not try to feed these animals.  Once you establish a feeding pattern, the sharks will become dependent upon human feeding and that will make it even more difficult for us to round them up,” Mr. Whorld cautioned.  ”Its kills me when I see people feeding these animals the annoying pets of their neighbors.  Once these sharks get the taste of poodle, it is really tough to ween them back to fish.”



“We are hopeful that this recovery process will be over quickly so that we can get recovery crews into the streets and subways quickly,”  Mayor Bloomberg said at the conclusion of his first ever “sharks in the subways” press conference.

The streets of New York was not the only area on shark alert as the sharks also took to the streets of Brigantine, New Jersey.  Mayor Frank Kern issued a quick press release last night warning residents of a near miss.  ”Ethyl Nol nearly lost her right foot as she opened her front door only to be accosted by a large tiger shark.  Luckily she was able to poke the shark in the eye with her cane and only suffered minor bruising.  Please be aware of street sharks until the water subside.”


Ethyl Nol nearly lost a foot to this intruding Tiger Shark


Marine biologist C. Whorld had these parting remarks, “remember, these are just the larger animals that we can see.  There are going to be strange critters that are less obvious in really unusual places.  Just be alert.”




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