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A well prepared Northern East Coast survived brutal hurricane Sandy and are now assessing the damages. Perhaps hit the hardest, New York City is struggling to deal with an unforeseen problem – how to herd sharks out of its subways and off of its streets. ”We hadn’t really prepared for this one contingency,” said an obviously exhausted Mayor Bloomberg. ”We’ve had to work really quickly to get the right people on site to help us with this. Our paramount concern is for the safety of these animals and we ask that everyone give them a wide berth. We have divers on scene right now to develop a retrieval program for these magnificent beasts.”
With the widespread flooding sharks had been seen brazenly swimming down the streets of the City some even using the muddy waters this morning to make their way around town.
According to Chief marine biologist Charles Whorld “we believe that these animals were either washed in with the tidal surge or simply were chasing the population of seals that came into the City seeking shelter. We are hopeful that the seals will leave of their own accord, but people should realize that these seemingly cute and cuddly animal are also very dangerous animals,” continue C. Whorld.
Some of these sharks are really quite large and the recovery process may take a while. ”We can’t emphasize enough how important it is that people not try to feed these animals. Once you establish a feeding pattern, the sharks will become dependent upon human feeding and that will make it even more difficult for us to round them up,” Mr. Whorld cautioned. ”Its kills me when I see people feeding these animals the annoying pets of their neighbors. Once these sharks get the taste of poodle, it is really tough to ween them back to fish.”
“We are hopeful that this recovery process will be over quickly so that we can get recovery crews into the streets and subways quickly,” Mayor Bloomberg said at the conclusion of his first ever “sharks in the subways” press conference.
The streets of New York was not the only area on shark alert as the sharks also took to the streets of Brigantine, New Jersey. Mayor Frank Kern issued a quick press release last night warning residents of a near miss. ”Ethyl Nol nearly lost her right foot as she opened her front door only to be accosted by a large tiger shark. Luckily she was able to poke the shark in the eye with her cane and only suffered minor bruising. Please be aware of street sharks until the water subside.”
Ethyl Nol nearly lost a foot to this intruding Tiger Shark
Marine biologist C. Whorld had these parting remarks, “remember, these are just the larger animals that we can see. There are going to be strange critters that are less obvious in really unusual places. Just be alert.”
HotAir
Everyone told me I was Crazy for moving from New Jersey to Florida because of the Hurricanes !! Hummmmmm…….
Everyone told me I was CRAZY for moving from New Jersey to Florida because they have HURRICANES !! Hummmmmmm…… I’ll stay in Florida.
Please note that the article was tagged SATIRE, you moronic dullards.
wow you must be perfect!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wow, you must be stupid!
Hey Fred douchanopolis, no one above you mentions the SATIRE about sharks, they responded about the storm. Are you having comprehension issues yourself again?
hahahah Douchanopolis! Good one
Maybe they were displaced attorneys trying to commute back to the burbs.
Nice one!
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sharks at bottom of escalator pictures before? They come out every hurricane. I was sent them after Katrina.
These are so fake
Where’s the picture of the turtle on the fencepost?
Nevermind, just show it leaving the white house tomorrow…
Bwah HaHaHa!!!
funny I saw the first pic a number of years ago, come on gert real. it was photoshopped google it and see for yourself.
Free konwedlge like this doesn’t just help, it promote democracy. Thank you.
Photo shopped bs.theres no reason why this couldnt happen sharks will go where ever water is and in this major hurricane,sharks are perfect hunters,they will go anywhere for food ,this flood from hurricane brought them inland.you think theres no sharks in ny.think again.
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Fake they photoshopped there was a similar story not too long ago with the pictures shown saying somebody photoshopped them in a mall. Who’s whord? Where are the sources for the info and pictures.
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